Verse for today.... much needed

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

It's amazing how God brings the right words at the right time. We had such a wonderful weekend away at the beach. We found the best place to eat in Florence. Just think, crab encrusted halibut with a cream chili sauce... fabulous! BUT, we're back home now and back to reality. Quite frankly, I'm not too fond of reality lately. I try to keep myself busy. Today, I spent hours outside pulling weeds, clearing out the plant boxes and fixing my water fountain. It works again! :) I have learned to always keep music on to keep my mind busy. Otherwise, I think... no good. I definitely think it's time for a second job. I believe it would be good for me, plus I could put all the funds aside for fertility treatments! Sounds like a win/win situation to me!

I decided to check my daily verse widget and the above verse was it. Starting tomorrow, I will check it in the mornings. I could've used that one all day. I really need to fully let go and leave the worrying to God alone.

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Yesterday was a rough one.

To those of you that do not know, my husband, Kent and I have been married for one year on August 22nd and have been together for 4(living together for 3.5). I have had known issues with my uterus for many years. I have tumors in my uterus and in the muscle lining of my uterus. We thought this might cause a little bit of a problem when trying to concieve, but we never imagined it would be this hard.

After we got married, I began to chart my cycles. I learned quickly that I am annovulatory, meaning I do not ovulate on my own. We consulted with our Obgyn after about 6 months. He said that I was definitely annovulatory and that I would need help ovulating. So, we started a drug called Clomiphene, better known as Clomid. (By the way, this drug has horrible side effects!) This would, in theory, help my ovaries produce eggs and thus I would ovulate. Well, typically people start at 25mg or 50mg. I tried 50mg fist and Dr.Murphy didn't seem too impressed with the results. The next cycle started at 100 mg and it literally did nothing, my follies were about half the mature size. He added 150mg the same cycle and eventually I did ovulate. After a long 62 day cycle we started the next at 200 mg. I did, eventually, ovulate and still nothing. I called the doctor's office like I always do when my cycle starts and finally yesterday, Dr.Murphy got on the phone...

He said, "I'm sorry kiddo, but I have you on the maximum dose and it doesn't seem to be working. Your ovaries are just so very resistant..." He went on to say that I needed to consult with a specialist in Portland (about 3.5 hours away) and start trying injectables, which cost about $2000 a month. There's no way we can afford that. The consultation alone, which is probably 20 minutes with the doctor, is $350. We could do that, but not much else, you know?

So, here we are, first anniversary and my husband just found out that his wife is barren. I feel so bad that I can't give him a child right now, but hopefully in the future things will work out. God always has a much bigger plan than we can imagine. We just have to fully rely on him.

We are already in the process for adoption and will focus on that for right now. That baby will be our child, period! It does not matter if the DNA is different. Having the same DNA is not the only way to make him/her our precious child. I am so exctied to see who God brings into our lives.

Please pray that we have the strength to keep pushing forward through the tough times ahead and that we not lose sight of what our Lord is doing for us. We really are very fortunate, especially in these times. And I feel extremely fortunate to have such an amazing and supportive husband and family.